Why aren’t you anything?

Buttcracks feel weird.  Like, run your fingers over your own buttcrack.  Weird, right?  Let alone anyone else’s.  No, literally, let other people’s buttcracks alone, unless you were invited to the butt party.  The Butt Party, on whose platform I will run for the office of Extinct Alderman.  I may be pre-drinking.

As tends to happen when I’m packing to move, I got bogged down in precious memories and found, among others, a sheet of that weird vertically-lined writing paper from elementary school that says this:

A Magic flower

A golden flag

A old wise elk

A vampire horse

no reward

kill horse


I need that sign for my walls.

(Source: thedemsocialist)

Charlotte’s Web Animal Farm crossover.  I mean, it’s almost too obvious.  Zuckerman’s farm was so clearly ripe for revolution.  Or I guess the inverse works, in which the Animal Farm animals don’t overthrow their farmer and establish a failed communist utopia but rather just, like, learn about acquiescence and friendship?


what i don’t understand is when they show adults sending emails or writing stuff on tv is that they don’t take into account that a lot of adults are illiterate and can’t work technology






I am shamelessly delighted by grown-ups using Facebook weirdly.


"Rape can be a good thing in some societies. It happens for a reason."

Sophomore Business major 

Oh, I know exactly how this argument plays out, EXACTLY:

"I’m just saying, if there’s really that much rape in the world, maybe sometimes rape is okay, or even beneficial."

"Wow. No, just no, and you’re an asshole for even being able to say that out loud."

"Just explain why rape is always bad."

"I’m not going to fucking explain that to you, you piece of shit."

"See? You can’t even come up with a coherent argument! Here I am being objective and engaging with you logically and all you can do is attack me. Sounds like someone is brainwashed!  You can’t even get your head around the possibility that some rape IS good!"

"Okay, we’re done here. You are blocked, un-Friended, and/or generally out of my life."

"You can’t even stand to be around anyone who has different views from you, huh? Man, you are really determined to cling to your fragile little mindset. I feel sorry for you. If you ever wake up and learn to start thinking critically, I’ll be around!"

I was trying to convey in text how to pronounce the word “cacophony” and I ended up trying to think of a context in which to rhyme it with “jack off on me.”

A local news station just showed a weather map with “Pee Pee” marked in southern Ohio and I thought someone was fucking around but apparently